Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
