I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
