What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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