would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
