Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
