I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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