I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just had sex bonerless
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
