Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
