I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
