I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
