I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
