You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
