Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
