Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
