Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
