I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
