thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
