forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
