just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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