my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
