I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
