Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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