We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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