Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
