Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
