Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My vagina is very pro this idea
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
