Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
