i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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