I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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