We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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