We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
birth control should be required to get into college
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
