you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
