when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
