i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
