There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
