Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
