GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
