Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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