apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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