Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
