It's Friday. Sex?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
