Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
