The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
