no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
