Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
