haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My balls are so social today.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
