my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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