That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm both gender and math confused
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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