My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
