Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
